I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
