It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
