You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
