I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
