I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
