Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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