i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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