I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
