Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
