Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
