she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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