So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
