We need to rekindle our bromance
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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