Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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