It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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