Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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