woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
