lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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