my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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