Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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