And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
