Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
