Will you blow on my dice?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
