96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
