fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
