The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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