He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
