If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
