OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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