What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We're too hungover to prance.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
