I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sober January is a disaster.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
