Me. At least after what I've been through.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now