I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.