Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
