using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
