direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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