I'm jealous of your bromance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
