Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
