She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just tell him i said nine months
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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