I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize