he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
