I need help removing her.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
