I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
is it fun? or sober?
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