I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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