I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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