You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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