Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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