Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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