he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is an emotional support booty call
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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