i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
