yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
