I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
