so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
