I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
