So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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