Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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