I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
