TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
