You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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