Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
