awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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