the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
don't judge my taste in strippers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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