Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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